If you ain’t failing’ you ain’t tryin’

How are we going to stay motivated?

The new year is 5 days old and the resolutions are being tested.

Don’t despair. The average person fails 7-12 times before finally figuring out how to create lasting change. Slip ups are inevitable, and anyone who claims to be undefeated is a liar (or Rocky Marciano). You’re going to fail.

And fail.

5-10 more times (on average).

To succeed we have to find a way to keep failing (and then learning/refining our approach of course).

How do we stick with our goal through the extra 5-10 failures?

How do we win?

Problem solving is individual

Motivation: A cognitive and emotional comparison of different outcomes.

Scientists studied people who made lasting changes: People who lost the weight; got to the gym; became public speakers. They hoped to find some cornerstone behaviors that facilitated each successful change so they could write the ultimate self help book and make a mint.

What they found was that every unique person found unique ways to make changes.

So much for that best seller. Turns out you have to build your own specific motivation from the ground up.

Maybe that starts with asking yourself open ended questions.

Open ended questions

“Open-ended questions are queries that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” By using these types of questions, you invite the respondent to share more information about themselves and their experiences. This helps to open the conversation and often helps people feel more at ease…Using open-ended questions helps you learn about the person that you’re talking to.”

They may even help you know yourself.

FBI kidnapping negotiator Chris Voss is a fan. ‘How questions … make [one] think. It makes [one] STOP and think.’ Voss says.

Can we add open ended questions to self talk when we slip up and skip workouts, or eat poorly?

‘How am I going to turn this around?’

‘How can I get 1% better?’

Instead of lamenting failure we’re working on a solution.

You have to figure it out, but a Coach can help

Two rat cages were outfitted with identical exercise wheels. One cage let the rat turn on their wheel. The other wheel could only be turned on by an outside force (the researcher).

The rats who controlled the wheel exercised 6-8 hours a day.

The rats who did not control the wheel seldom used it and over-ate to the point of obesity and later death.

We’re not all that different from rats. When what we do or how we do it is outside our control we rebel. Our Human nature requires us to find our own solutions/motivations; or else no exercise wheel. If someone (an altruistic Trainer per se?) starts offering advice they’re getting tuned out.

What if, instead of advice, we ask ‘How can I help?’

Or ‘What can do to help you win?’

Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?